1 Is 1 and 2 Is 4
Like many moms before me, I thought I was ready for the increase in workload it would take to raise another child. After all, I already owned all the baby essentials and - given the temperament of my firstborn - I found going on business trips, attending conferences, and going on an occasional vacation to be relatively painless. Being the experienced mom that I was, I expected a certain level of stress with the birth of another child, but stress that was relatively manageable. Boy, was I wrong!
I did not fully appreciate the extent to which a second pregnancy would affect my somewhat integrated life. I have lost count of the number of times my husband and I have asked each other, "What were we thinking?" The increase in work is so well known that a friend of mine who has twin girls told me, "You singleton moms are crazy to have a second child. You have to go through every stage twice!"
I now realize that my mommy amnesia was in full swing. I had somehow forgotten how difficult pregnancy makes it to perform simple tasks like walking from the parking lot to my office every day and sitting through long business meetings. And then there was the need to develop a maternity leave plan and a birth plan and make arrangements for someone to care for my toddler while I was in the hospital. Two of the bigger questions you and your employer will have is, Who will handle your workload while you are out and how will it be handled? One takeaway for developing a successful plan is this: You want to ensure that all work-related issues have been dealt with as far in advance as possible so that, when you are on leave, you can focus on yourself and your family.
With respect to a maternity leave plan, if you choose to work up to delivery day, you also have to remember to tell your employer that you are officially "on leave" when you go into labor (assuming you go into labor during business hours). I was so determined to try and keep a sense of normalcy that, on the day I was admitted to the hospital, I actually worked during the day and read my son his favorite bedtime stories that night, pausing every five minutes or so to have a painful contraction. I am still kicking myself for working during labor and for not accepting my husband's offer to care for our son (Superwoman strikes again). Along with making sure your bag is packed and in the car, ensuring your older child will be cared for, and notifying your employer that you are no longer available for work, you also have to remember to take care of yourself and get some rest. I failed to get enough rest the second time around, which is something I later regretted.
The early days of having a second child and of being a mother of two are not too terribly bad, thanks to hospital teams, relatives and friends. But shortly after your family and friends leave, you will begin to notice the subtle changes in your older child's behavior. While you are caring for a very needy newborn, your older child will begin regressing and competing for your attention. This is when you start realizing that the honeymoon period is over.
After a few weeks of dealing with two kids and worrying about how on earth you are going to have time to do your "other" job, you may be rethinking the amount of time you chose to stay home with your new baby. Time flies when you're not getting any sleep. This is why a clear maternity leave plan is so important and why you need to do as much research as you can before you commit to a specific amount of time off. FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) requires employers with 50 employees or more to provide up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid leave. Companies with fewer than 50 employees do not fall within FMLA requirements. No matter what length of time you think you will need, it is wise to enroll in an STD (short-term disability) plan and start saving money as soon as you learn you are pregnant. It is possible to save up enough money to get you through however long a period you wish to be out. It just requires some planning and discipline on your part.
It's hard enough to try and do a bit of work here and there when you have one child, but it is impossible when you have a newborn and a toddler. Therefore, it is extremely important to be realistic about what you will physically and mentally be able to handle, and how soon you will be able to handle it. I can cite my experiences as an example. I took three months off after I had my first child and took six weeks off after having my second. In hindsight, I know my body and my mind needed more than the six weeks I took off after delivering my second child.
Remember that you have agreed to return to work after a certain period of time, and your employer will be expecting you back. Of course, most people realize you need a bit of ramp-up time, but you will eventually need to be working at your previous or a higher level of performance. Another mom told me that the best advice she ever received was to take the amount of maternity leave she took with her first child and add at least two weeks to it for the second or subsequent child. This is sound advice from a veteran mother.
No matter how much time you give yourself, just when you have gotten used to the idea of being a mother of two and you think you have a handle on it, you have to go back to work. Luckily, the first few days back to work are not so bad. Most of us spend a good bit of time showing photos, talking about the baby and the delivery, and generally getting reacquainted with the office and our co-workers. We welcome with open arms the much-needed interaction with other adults and the ability to get a cup of coffee anytime we want one. As we get back into the swing of things, we find that there are many different ways to get the same amount of work done as we did before. We begin to build upon the efficiencies we learned after having our first child, and we are amazed at our ability to identify and prioritize the crucial work that needs to be done and our ability to leave the nonessential stuff for later. We just have to remind ourselves that it does get easier.
Every time I feel worn down and wonder why I would purposely create so much work for myself by having another baby, I think about the fleeting nature of early childhood and the necessity to appreciate and enjoy each moment. As much as it's quadruple the work, it's also quadruple the fun. The joy of watching your oldest child act silly just to try and get the baby to smile and the way the baby's face simply lights up every time she sees her older sibling makes it all worthwhile.
Do you have stories you would like to share? How do you keep up with two kids, work, the house, and everything else a busy mom has to do?
About the author
Kate Gerber, creator of CareerMama? (www.careermama.net), is the wife of a wonderfully supportive husband and the mother of two beautiful children. She is passionate about her family and her career, and she works hard to maintain her work/life integration.
CareerMama? provides a forum for moms to share their ideas with each other, as well as guidance for new moms and soon-to-be moms.
I did not fully appreciate the extent to which a second pregnancy would affect my somewhat integrated life. I have lost count of the number of times my husband and I have asked each other, "What were we thinking?" The increase in work is so well known that a friend of mine who has twin girls told me, "You singleton moms are crazy to have a second child. You have to go through every stage twice!"
I now realize that my mommy amnesia was in full swing. I had somehow forgotten how difficult pregnancy makes it to perform simple tasks like walking from the parking lot to my office every day and sitting through long business meetings. And then there was the need to develop a maternity leave plan and a birth plan and make arrangements for someone to care for my toddler while I was in the hospital. Two of the bigger questions you and your employer will have is, Who will handle your workload while you are out and how will it be handled? One takeaway for developing a successful plan is this: You want to ensure that all work-related issues have been dealt with as far in advance as possible so that, when you are on leave, you can focus on yourself and your family.
With respect to a maternity leave plan, if you choose to work up to delivery day, you also have to remember to tell your employer that you are officially "on leave" when you go into labor (assuming you go into labor during business hours). I was so determined to try and keep a sense of normalcy that, on the day I was admitted to the hospital, I actually worked during the day and read my son his favorite bedtime stories that night, pausing every five minutes or so to have a painful contraction. I am still kicking myself for working during labor and for not accepting my husband's offer to care for our son (Superwoman strikes again). Along with making sure your bag is packed and in the car, ensuring your older child will be cared for, and notifying your employer that you are no longer available for work, you also have to remember to take care of yourself and get some rest. I failed to get enough rest the second time around, which is something I later regretted.
The early days of having a second child and of being a mother of two are not too terribly bad, thanks to hospital teams, relatives and friends. But shortly after your family and friends leave, you will begin to notice the subtle changes in your older child's behavior. While you are caring for a very needy newborn, your older child will begin regressing and competing for your attention. This is when you start realizing that the honeymoon period is over.
After a few weeks of dealing with two kids and worrying about how on earth you are going to have time to do your "other" job, you may be rethinking the amount of time you chose to stay home with your new baby. Time flies when you're not getting any sleep. This is why a clear maternity leave plan is so important and why you need to do as much research as you can before you commit to a specific amount of time off. FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) requires employers with 50 employees or more to provide up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid leave. Companies with fewer than 50 employees do not fall within FMLA requirements. No matter what length of time you think you will need, it is wise to enroll in an STD (short-term disability) plan and start saving money as soon as you learn you are pregnant. It is possible to save up enough money to get you through however long a period you wish to be out. It just requires some planning and discipline on your part.
It's hard enough to try and do a bit of work here and there when you have one child, but it is impossible when you have a newborn and a toddler. Therefore, it is extremely important to be realistic about what you will physically and mentally be able to handle, and how soon you will be able to handle it. I can cite my experiences as an example. I took three months off after I had my first child and took six weeks off after having my second. In hindsight, I know my body and my mind needed more than the six weeks I took off after delivering my second child.
Remember that you have agreed to return to work after a certain period of time, and your employer will be expecting you back. Of course, most people realize you need a bit of ramp-up time, but you will eventually need to be working at your previous or a higher level of performance. Another mom told me that the best advice she ever received was to take the amount of maternity leave she took with her first child and add at least two weeks to it for the second or subsequent child. This is sound advice from a veteran mother.
No matter how much time you give yourself, just when you have gotten used to the idea of being a mother of two and you think you have a handle on it, you have to go back to work. Luckily, the first few days back to work are not so bad. Most of us spend a good bit of time showing photos, talking about the baby and the delivery, and generally getting reacquainted with the office and our co-workers. We welcome with open arms the much-needed interaction with other adults and the ability to get a cup of coffee anytime we want one. As we get back into the swing of things, we find that there are many different ways to get the same amount of work done as we did before. We begin to build upon the efficiencies we learned after having our first child, and we are amazed at our ability to identify and prioritize the crucial work that needs to be done and our ability to leave the nonessential stuff for later. We just have to remind ourselves that it does get easier.
Every time I feel worn down and wonder why I would purposely create so much work for myself by having another baby, I think about the fleeting nature of early childhood and the necessity to appreciate and enjoy each moment. As much as it's quadruple the work, it's also quadruple the fun. The joy of watching your oldest child act silly just to try and get the baby to smile and the way the baby's face simply lights up every time she sees her older sibling makes it all worthwhile.
Do you have stories you would like to share? How do you keep up with two kids, work, the house, and everything else a busy mom has to do?
About the author
Kate Gerber, creator of CareerMama? (www.careermama.net), is the wife of a wonderfully supportive husband and the mother of two beautiful children. She is passionate about her family and her career, and she works hard to maintain her work/life integration.
CareerMama? provides a forum for moms to share their ideas with each other, as well as guidance for new moms and soon-to-be moms.