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The sudden and unexpected death of tech executive Dave Goldberg has elicited an outpouring of condolences for Goldberg’s wife, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. The New York Times posted an article about Goldberg’s lifelong commitment as a women’s advocate and someone who urged the women in his life to speak up and to let their voices be heard. Interestingly, it was Goldberg’s feedback that may have given voice to millions of women who now “lean in” in the workplace, thanks to Sheryl Sandberg’s mega-bestselling book.
In December 2013, Sandberg appeared on stage at TEDWomen for a discussion with her friend Pat Mitchell. The two women discussed Sandberg’s now famous TED talk, “Why We have Too Few Women Leaders.” Sandberg said the reaction that followed convinced her to write the book.
Sandberg explained that the book resonated with women because she opened up about her own struggles with divorce, confidence, juggling the demands of work and family and speaking up in the workplace. If it hadn’t been for Goldberg, however, Sandberg may never have shared those stories, and Lean In may never have caught the public’s attention. According to Sandberg:
I wrote a first chapter, I thought it was fabulous. It was chock-full of data and figures. I had three pages on matrilineal Maasai tribes and their sociological patterns. My husband read it and he was like, this is like eating your Wheaties. No one -- and I apologize to Wheaties -- no one, no one will read this book. And I realized through the process that I had to be more honest and more open, and I had to tell my stories. My stories of still not feeling as self-confident as I should, in many situations. My first and failed marriage. Crying at work. Feeling like I didn't belong there, feeling guilty to this day.
Now turn to the first sentence in Sandberg’s book: “I got pregnant with my first child in the summer of 2004.” There’s no mention of ‘Maasai tribes and their sociological patterns,’ and there are no data points in the first few pages—just the story of how Dave Goldberg gave her the courage to walk into the offices of Google’s founders—the company where Sandberg was working—and request reserved parking spaces for pregnant employees.
Most business leaders don’t tell stories because it’s not something they think they should do. They prefer to stick to facts and figures which, by definition, are emotionless. That’s why many business presentations and business books put people to sleep. Dave Goldberg instinctively understood the power of story to spark movements. It’s a good thing he did because Sandberg’s book is much stronger for it, more engaging, more personal and, ultimately, a more powerful tool to help women take their place at the table.
During the TEDWomen discussion, Pat Mitchell commented on why she believes Lean In took off:
I think that one of the most striking parts about the book, and in my opinion, one of the reasons it's hit such a nerve and is resonating around the world, is that you are personal in the book. You do make it clear that you've had the same challenges that many of us have.
Sandberg says that by being open and honest with her story, it gives other women permission to be open and honest about theirs and, together, they can make advances in the workplace.
I read a lot of business books. Spouses often make their only appearance in the acknowledgements or dedication. In Lean In Sandberg refers to her husband no fewer than 16 times. In one chapter, Sandberg talks openly about feeling like a failure after her divorce. “Almost 10 years later, I learned that the ‘good ones’ were not all taken, and I wisely and very happily married Dave Goldberg…he’s the best partner I could imagine.”
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